i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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