I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
