i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize