Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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