i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
