Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
