you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
