that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You're like the curious george of whores
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
