kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
