You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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