I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize