why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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