I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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