she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
