I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
