They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
