i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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