Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
