I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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