well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
