I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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