i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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