The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
