he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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