Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
