Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
