I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
