Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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