That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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