she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
zippers are such a cool invention
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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