Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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