shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
