all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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