Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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