What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
