Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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