How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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