life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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