Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
