Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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