had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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