I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
