Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize