my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize