I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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