I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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