You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i think i just lost a toe
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