toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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