So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
