I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
