listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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