her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
