what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
