I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What a fucking waste of an outfit
please come you make the beer taste better
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
