you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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