you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
