i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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