so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize