I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
your like the ambassador to my penis.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
