I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
