just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
