And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
