your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
