I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
