I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
