I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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