The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
