I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
well you can't waste a boner
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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